Letting Go

It's been a rough week and I lack eloquent words to begin this post so I'll just come out and say it... Baby P in Congo won't be coming home to us. We received some new details this week and lots of new photographs through a third party visit to the orphanage. We actually got to see her smiling for the first time! However, the new photos also revealed serious underlying medical issues that until this point had gone unnoticed. Long story short, we received a diagnosis from a family physician and also a pediatrician familiar with internationally adopted children that would most likely classify her as a special needs child. Due to these findings we had to come to the realization that we are neither approved nor equipped to adopt this sweet girl.

It has been heartbreaking to fall in love with this child only to realize she will not be our daughter. The most painful part about it for Brian and I is knowing this beautiful little girl will have to stay in the orphanage a bit longer because our family was unable to adopt her.

I refuse to feel sorry for myself though. Sure, I've had my fair share of emotional breakdowns this week, one of which was in public at my son's school pick up line upon seeing my sweet adoptive momma friend, Sarah. I gave her a hug and the floodgates just flung right open! BUT I can't be wallowing around in self-pity when Baby P is the one who needs me.. needs US to pray for her. Had we never been matched with her in the first place she wouldn't have an army of prayer warriors pleading to God on her behalf that she will find the way to her family. A family that will provide for her and love her like crazy.


It's so difficult to think about starting the process all over again. Waiting in anticipation for our next referral. Going through those months at a snail's pace wondering if this time will finally be "it".  Just a month or so ago we thought we'd be welcoming home two daughters from two different countries. And now...  We will just keep putting one foot in front of the other until God allows us to finally bring home our precious 3rd child. Until that sweet moment I will continue to soak in the two precious little ones with which we've already been blessed.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow,But children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.
~ Ruth Hulbert Hamilton